I have moved!

I’ve been getting lots of great followers on this blog — even as old as it is — and just wanted everyone to know that I have a new blog. Please join me at http://www.key-dynamics.com/blog/. 

I’d love to see you there! 

 

Recognize your opportunities

“I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.”

— Mark Twain

How many opportunities have we recognized in the rear-view mirror, with no chance to back up and grab it?

Do you want to be better equipped to spot and act on those opportunities? Here are some tips.

1. Ask for what you want.

Women — especially moms — are notoriously bad about that. For centuries, we have been the caregivers and it feels really selfish when we ask for things for ourselves.

Time to get over that. If you want something, you have to ask for it. If you don’t ask, you won’t get.

Put that energetic message out there to the universe (or those closer to home!) and see what happens. You may be surprised at what arises.

2. Believe that you deserve it. 

Find a mirror, look yourself in the eye and say, “I deserve abundance in my life.” If you can’t maintain eye contact or you feel like you’re faking it, don’t give up! Keep practicing. Say it as many times as necessary until you mean it.

Because you DO deserve it…every good and wonderful thing that life has to offer. Don’t settle for anything less.

3. Be willing to receive.

Being willing to receive abundance means that we also have to recognize abundance when the opportunity arrives. Opportunity comes in all shapes and sizes. It may even be disguised as something else entirely.

Sometimes we forget that our biggest opportunities can come out of our biggest challenges. If you’re in the midst of a painful challenge, look for the opportunity that lies within it. It’s there…if nothing more than the opportunity to learn and grow, both of which are very good things.

Recognizing those opportunities will help you move beyond your pain into a place of possibility. You will be looking forward, instead of backward. Be open to all the possibilities.

Here’s an affirmation to bring abundance in your life. Amend it fit your own circumstances.

“I ask for abundance because I deserve it. I am willing to receive abundance with open hands, open arms, open heart and open mind. I am grateful for all that I have and receive.”

Repeat.And repeat and repeat and repeat.

Recognize it when it shows up — and act on it.

Don’t watch it disappear in the rear-view mirror.

Priming your Success Mechanism

More than 50 years ago, a plastic surgeon made a remarkable discovery: Some of his patients — after radical surgery to improve their appearance — still felt ugly. Some of them went so far as to deny that any cosmetic surgery had been done at all…despite “before and after” photos that clearly showed the difference.

That led Dr. Maxwell Maltz to explore the world of self-image and its impact on us in our everyday lives.

He looked to the new (at the time) discipline of cybernetics, “the science of communications and automatic control systems in both machines and living things,” as a way to not just explain the impact of self-image but how to change it.

What Dr. Maltz took from cybernetics is that our subconscious mind is an impersonal, automatic, goal-striving machine that achieves what our conscious mind tells us to do.

Just like a guided missile gets feedback from radar, sonar and other “sense organs” to make corrections to stay on target, so does the centerfielder use feedback from the speed of the ball, wind direction and so forth to reach the target of catching a fly ball.

In a similar fashion, the “servo-mechanism” of our subconscious takes the feedback we give it — through thoughts, words and deeds — to help us reach our own target.

The question is this: What kind of feedback are you providing your own “servo-mechanism” to reach your target?

Image by Josephine Wall

In order to succeed, Dr. Maltz believed that we must have a Success Mechanism — a target or goal — and use our imagination to envision it.

In his book, Dr. Maltz gives many examples of how imagination helps people reach their goals. He writes about the chess player who toppled a world champion by spending three months playing chess only in his mind. He recounts the story of a concert pianist who practiced mostly in his own head.

Napoleon “practiced” soldiering for many years before taking to the battlefield. Conrad Hilton played hotel operator as a boy.

And in the years since “Psycho-Cybernetics” was published, we’ve seen many world-class athletes do the same type thing with extraordinary results: They imagine every step, every feeling, every sense, as if it were real, all the way to the winner’s circle.

You have examples of your own, even if it’s something as simple as imagining a wad of paper hitting the center of wastebasket…and then doing it.

Our imaginations, our beliefs are powerful things. A person walking in the woods, suddenly confronted by an actor in a realistic bear costume, will have the same physiological reaction as if confronted by an actual bear.

The truth is not the issue — it’s what you think that matters.

And so we come to our own Success Mechanism. If you think you are stupid, ugly, shy, fat, weak, inferior or poor, you are. Your image of yourself has become your reality.

If you’ve got negative images of yourself that are driving your reality, it’s time to take a breather. Use your rational brain to examine and re-evaluate these beliefs.

Ask yourself:

• Why do I believe this way?
• Why can’t I do this?
• Is this belief based on an actual fact or on something I’ve assumed or something someone told me years ago?
• Is it possible that I’m mistaken about this?
• If this isn’t true, why should I keep acting and feeling as if it were?
• If I were looking at someone else in the same situation, would I think the same thing?

Use the answers to these questions to reconfigure your own “servo-mechanism” and prime your Success Mechanism by imagining what you want…in all its glorious, Technicolor detail.

Addicted to e-mail

I was talking with a former news colleague the other day and the conversation moseyed over to e-mail. Bottom line: He was overwhelmed…so much so that he said he couldn’t get to his regular work until noon.

Noon!

I was flabbergasted. Here’s a really smart techie guy who knows all about spam filters and the like, someone who toils on multiple deadlines every single day of his working life, and he’s spending hour upon hour messing around with e-mail.

Maybe “flabbergasted” is too pale a word to use for his situation, because seriously — he needs an intervention.

Even knowing that lots of information comes to him these days via e-mail, spending hours on looking at, reading and sorting through e-mail is excessive. And I’ll bet you dollars to doughnuts that he also checks his business e-mails before and after he gets to his office.

I shouldn’t ride him too hard. Most of us have the same addiction to e-mail — without this editor’s legitimate need to be tied to his inbox.

FastCompany.com recently ran a story titled “What successful people do with the first hour of their work day.” Guess what? Checking e-mail didn’t make the list.

If that notion gives you heart palpitations, consider the comment made by Tumblr founder David Karp: If people really urgently need to get in touch during his “no e-mail” time, they’ll call or text.

Going cold turkey on e-mail addiction is tough, no question. And it’s equally hard on people who are used to an instant response from you to their every utterance.

But breaking the cycle is important. Bolster your resolution knowing that by being hooked into your e-mail every second of every day, what you’re really doing is allowing other people’s priorities to take precedence over yours.

Got that? It’s worth repeating: Responding like Pavlov’s dog to every e-mail chime or letter icon that pops up on your taskbar is giving away control of your time — and your life — to other people.

Try this: Check your e-mails three times a day ONLY…in the morning (preferably not the first hour), right after lunch and before close of business. Then shut down the blasted thing! Get to work on those things that are important to you and what you need to accomplish.

It’s a great start to improving your time management skills. And who knows? You might be so empowered by this that you’ll get going on all those items on your to-do list that you keep getting put off.

Aging out of the workforce

No sooner did I take the plunge into developing my own coaching and consulting business than I started hearing from other women who were facing different workplace challenges.

Turns out many are finding themselves — at 45 or 55 years old — aged out of the workplace.

One friend recalled her story:

“Several years back, I bought a business that looked too good to be true. Turns out, it was. Due to a lot of issues, I lost the business and am out of a bundle of money. If that weren’t bad enough, now I can’t find a job either!

“Lots of times I never hear from the company, but when I do go on interviews and see that the HR director is 30 years younger than I am, I can just tell I’m not going to get hired. They never come out and say, ‘You’re too old,’ but that’s what they mean.

“I stopped looking for work after I got turned down for my dream job, the one that had my name written all over it.  The interviewer said I didn’t match their ‘target market.’ I was so discouraged! And I know other women who are younger than I am who are in the same boat.”

It’s a sad story but not that unusual. Older workers, who generally cost more in wages and benefits than younger workers, too often get the boot and are replaced by younger workers who will toil for less.

As Shakespeare said, “Twas ever thus.”

But knowing you’re not alone is no consolation when you’ve got bills to pay. The key is to figure out what to do next.

Here are some options:

• Take whatever job you can get. You may think that’s going backward, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
• Apply only for those jobs that fit your “dream” requirements.
• Give yourself a younger image. Find an unbiased observer to give you feedback on how you dress, speak and act. Don’t try to be something you’re not, but there’s nothing wrong with accentuating your best points.
• Check your resume. You do have a resume, right? Make sure you’re highlighting those skills that mean the most to a prospective employer.
• Start your own business, based on that dream job. As terrifying as that may sound, could your situation get much worse?

Look at the dream job you wanted. What made it perfect for you? If it made the best use of your experience, expertise and passion, you’re on the right track.

Be sure to also list the qualitative aspects that made the job so appealing. Was it in the right geographic area? Were the hours perfect? The benefits were great? List them all.

Put order them in two columns, “want” and “need.” Rank the “need” items.

Having a dream is the beginning. You want to go into your new business with as many facts as you can get.

• Is there a market for your business?
• How are other companies doing in this field? Are they growing or stagnating?
• Do you have local competitors? What are they offering? How could you improve on what they’re doing?
• Who are your potential customers? Where do they reside (physically or in cyberspace)?
• Can they afford your product/service?

These and the answers to other questions should form the basis of your business plan. The plan is what you take to banks or other lenders to get the money you need to start your dream business.

Go for it! What have you got to lose?

What is coaching?

Don’t know the answer? You’re not alone. Most people get that blank look on their faces when I tell them I’m a coach. Fortunately, fewer are asking me, “Which sport?” I count that as progress.

I’ve created what I hope is a provocative 18-second elevator speech to start the conversation about coaching: “My passion in life is to help organizations and individuals succeed.”

Sometimes it’s useful to start with what coaching is not.

A coach doesn’t tell you what to do. A coach is not a therapist, a consultant or mentor. A coach doesn’t do your work for you. A coach doesn’t show you how to stand in the batter’s box, toss a long spiral or how to follow through with your golf swing (at least not my type of coach!).

And — maybe most surprising to the uninitiated — a coach doesn’t have to know a single thing about your business, your job, your industry, your relationships or your life to help you get to where you want to be.

While your coach will come to learn a great deal about you through this totally confidential relationship, it is actually a good thing that a coach comes to you fresh, with no pre-conceived notion about what “should” be.

A coach is unreservedly there for you. Not your spouse, co-workers, boss, fellow parishioners or board members.

Coaching is listening and asking the right questions and challenging assumptions. It supports you and holds you accountable. It helps you move forward, to wherever you want to be. It draws your own road map, with clearly marked signposts that lets you know when you’ve reached the next stage in your journey. It lets you set your own pace.

About 50 percent of the people I talk to about coaching know someone “who really needs it.” One hundred percent of the time, that “someone” is not them.

Which brings to me another thing coaching is not: It’s not about forcing your ideas, beliefs or values on someone else. No matter how well-intentioned you are, you cannot force your spouse or your colleagues or your boss or your business partner or your pastor to be coached.

If you feel that strongly that someone else needs to change, ask yourself why. What’s going that makes it so important that other people do/say/believe what you want them to?

I think everyone can benefit from coaching — even (and maybe especially) the coach.

Speaking as a coaching client, I can promise you that there is nothing as powerful as having someone standing beside you, someone who is there with you and for you every step of the way.

And as a coach, I get incredible energy, joy and satisfaction working with people. I cherish the very human connection I make with them. I love helping people find their own solutions.

I deeply appreciate and am honored by their confidences and their trust in me. I celebrate their successes — especially the successes they don’t even recognize.

With every coaching client, every coaching call, I feed the “knowledge junkie” inside me. I’m always learning.

Just don’t quiz me on sports.

Empower yourself

Do you have people in your life who feel entitled — to food, shelter, love, a job, clothing, entertainment… whatever? And what’s worse, think you should provide it for them?

That sense of entitlement is definitely their issue, but if you’re being governed by it, you’ve got issues, too. You need to set boundaries.

Setting boundaries is difficult no matter where they are applied, at home, the office or in the community. Here are some ways to help you handle it.

• Pick a time and place to have the conversation. Being in a public place could keep down the histrionics, or could ratchet them up. Use your best judgment.
• Tell him how you feel with an “I” statement. For example, “I feel taken advantage of when you don’t contribute to any of the household expenses.” Or: “I feel angry when you just assume that I will do these tasks for you.”
• Tell him what you want: “I want you to start paying $100 a week for room and board” or “I want you to ask me if I can do these things before you dump them on my desk.”
• Be prepared for fireworks. If you can, map out in advance with a friend, or a coach, how the conversation is likely to go. Do some role-playing, so you’ll have a response to whatever they are likely to say. Practice!

You may very well get push-back and it’s easy at this point to get side-tracked. Stay focused!

Keep bringing the conversation back around to what you want: “I do love you, and I want you to start paying some of expenses around the house.” Or “I enjoy working with you, and I want you to acknowledge that I have my own tasks to complete.”

This is called the “broken record” technique, because you may have to repeat it many times.

• Outline the consequences: “If you don’t pay $100 a week, you’ll have to move all your stuff out of the house.” Or “If you keep putting your work off on me, I will take it to our supervisor.”
• Ask for his agreement. If he refuses, boot him out or go talk to the supervisor.
• If he agrees, and then fails to follow through, remind him of your agreement. If this cycle persists beyond your tolerance levels, boot him out or go visit that supervisor.

That’s a hard thing to do with a loved one, a colleague or the pastor at your church. But there is a lot to be gained from it.

You’ll be able to look at yourself in the mirror. The confidence you have gained in dealing with a difficult situation will apply to many other areas of your life. You’ll stop feeling resentful. You’ll lose the reputation as being a pushover.

But best of all, you’ll find the time, energy and money to do the things that matter to you.

It’s called empowering your own life.

Narrow your focus

Do you know who your customers are?

If you said, “Everyone,” you’re fooling yourself. You cannot be all things to all people.

Who is most likely to buy your product? What motivates them? Where can you find those customers? How do you keep them?

To answer those questions, try thinking along generational lines.

• The Silent Generation – the World War generation – is loyal. They say, “Appreciate me!”

When it comes to advertising, Silents are print-driven. Look at any daily newspaper and you’ll see an overwhelming preponderance of ads featuring people 65 and older.

Silents don’t know much about technology and don’t much care, either. They want to talk to a real person, they want you to know their names and that you appreciate their business. Reward them for their loyalty.

• The Baby Boomers are burned out. They say, “Make it easy for me!”

Boomers grew up with newspapers, but they rarely have enough time or energy to sift through a general-circulation publication.

They’re more likely to go to general news websites or a single-interest site – like ESPN.com – to get targeted news that interests them. If they buy magazines, they’ll be specialty publications.

Time-slammed Boomers are fine with technology, as long as it gets them where they want to go – fast.

Don’t make them slog through a dozen menu options on the phone before they can get what they need.  Or they’ll find another company.

• Generation X were latch-key kids and don’t want any part of their parents’ 60-hour work weeks. They say, “Having a life is important to me!”

This group spends a lot of time online, and much of that supports their lifestyles, such as shopping, banking and research, according to Pew Internet research.

• Generation Y, the Millennial cluster sees the whole world as their community, one they want to improve. They say, “Change starts with me!”

The Internet means entertainment for Millennials. They like collaborative gaming, where people play together to beat a game, not each other, and social networks, too.

If you want to keep Generations X or Y coming back for your product, make sure your Internet interfaces are easy to use and intuitive, and give them a chance to be involved.

Social networking has an enormous effect on the way everyone does business. The old public relations adage – “It’s not what you say about yourself, but what others say about you” – has found its true home on the Internet.

This “user-generated content” — comments and reviews from ordinary people — are highly credible, more so than many “official” sources.

Some great examples of this is creeping into mainstream marketing:

• One company uses TV ads to send people to its website and “ask real owners” how they like their product.

• Another business directs TV viewers to their website to volunteer or encourage them to vote. This company also donates a portion of its proceeds to charitable organizations.

This may sound simplistic or just a lot of hooey. But if your business is struggling, come up with one or two simple strategies based on targeting your customers by generation and see how it works.

What have you got to lose?

Stand on your own merits

Q: I lost a big account to a scumbag competitor despite the fact I told my client, over and over again, what losers these people were. I’m angry, frustrated, and out of a big commission. How do I prevent this from happening again?

A: You have just learned the dollars-and-cents reason behind Mom’s admonition: If you can’t say anything good about someone, don’t say anything at all.

People are tired of the nastiness – from Congress to entertainment to the marketplace – that seems to define life these days. They just don’t want to hear bad-mouthing any more.

In my former life, my newspaper was one of seven in the marketplace. The temptation to bash the competition was oh-so strong. We resisted following that path and instead, in our weekly news meetings, concentrated on “What makes us different?”

It was a good strategy. We figured out our strong points and capitalized on them. We let our product speak for itself.

That’s what you need to do, too. Focus on what you offer. Brag about its benefits and features. Show how it will save your client time and and make them money. Offer sweeteners, if it looks like you’re about to lose the sale.

And if your product can’t stand on its own merits, you’ve got a bigger problem than your competition.

Have faith…in yourself

Back when I was young(er) and foolish, I told a prospective employer, “I can do just about anything, better than just about anyone.”

Oh, the hubris! It’s enough to make a grown woman blush.

But I got the job and my career took off. And while the ensuing years have worn the sharp edges off that sense of invincibility, the hard core of that belief remains: I have faith in me.

As we get older, it’s easy to forget that we can do just about anything if we put our mind – and heart and soul – to the task.

It’s especially tough to remember for people who are in transition, people who have lost their jobs or their spouses. The empty-nesters and those with health challenges.  They have a sense of foreboding, a cringing in their souls as they wonder, “What’s next?”

The short answer is this: Whatever you want.

Enjoy a short-term “why me?” wallow. Once that’s out of your system, it’s time to dig in, rediscover that place of possibility. Dig out the feeling of hopelessness and despair.

Have faith in yourself to make the transition to the next phase of you.

One of the benefits of age is what you’re really good at, what you really enjoy. Now it’s time to marry the two, for moving ahead into the future that you deserve.

How do you do that?

Look at it as an opportunity, the chance to grow and learn and reach for what you really want in life.

If you’ve lost your job, look at the things you liked and didn’t like in your former position. Start the hunt for something that’s better suited for your personality. Give yourself the chance to shine.

And if you find yourself aged out of the job market, maybe it’s time to take what you’ve learned and build your own business. You know things now that you didn’t know when you were young(er). Let that work for you.

Y0u can’t change what’s happened in the past, but you can certainly use those events — and lessons — to help create the life you want. Give yourself permission to dream, to envision the way you want your life to be.

Then go after it. Be bold! Life is too short to be mousy.The only person stopping you is you.

So if your life is in transition, take advantage of it. Embrace it. See where it takes you.

It could be exactly where you’re to be.